Sunday 17 February 2013

Post Op

Well, that was a start to the year I did not envisage. A seemingly routine trip to the GP and I am now writing this, lying on the sofa without many of my "lady parts"!
I had a cancerous polyp removed from my bowel seven years ago. It was caught early and after a spot of internal plumbing, I was as right as rain. To be honest, I thought " well, that's my brush with cancer done" and slid back into normality. I am getting to an age where menstrual patterns become less predictable, so when I had a period that lasted a lot longer than normal, I wasn't going to bother going to the doctor, but my husband insisted. My GP is lovely and recommended some hormone tests, I asked if I could have the ca125 test too. This is a marker for ovarian cancer. This came back slightly raised so I was sent for an ultra sound. "Was that ok?" I asked the radiographer, I had trotted off on my own to hospital as I had no reason to worry. "No," she said, reluctant to meet my eye, " you've got something on your ovary which needs urgent investigation." It's strange how your whole life can suddenly come crashing around you. An hour before I'd been wondering what to get for tea and now, well I feared the very worst.
I went to see a consultant who now talked of a "mass" and was sent for an MRI scan which I wept all the way through. I wish I could tell you that I am brave but I'm not. I cried and cried for days, for my poor, bewildered husband, for my daughter on the cusp of adulthood. All I could envisage was their lives without me. I was a nurse many aeons ago, and if there is a worst case scenario, I will plump for that. Ovarian cancer is known as "the silent killer", mine was a 12cm mass that had given me no symptoms at all. I was pole-axed with fear and grief.
The MRI was not as bad as we had feared, the consultant spoke in quietly reassuring tones, he used words such as "curable" "Grade 1" "no evidence of spread" words that I held onto for hope.
Last week I went into The Christie and had a full hysterectomy and half omentumectomy. As I had previous bowel surgery, it wasn't too straight forward, but all things considered, I am recovering well. The skills of the surgeons and the anaesthetist were brilliant. However, it is the love and care of my friends and family that has left me so humbled. My increasingly hysterical texts and phone calls have been answered with unswerving patience. My daughter's friends and parents have shown such kindness. I have been inundated with flowers and cards, texts, tweets and emails. A lady I have never met, except on Twitter, sent a bouquet from Edinburgh. My mum and mum-in-law, both in their seventies, have worked out a rota so one is always here, cooking, cleaning, nurturing and loving.
I am beginning to feel a little more like my old self now, I'm reading lots and listening to plenty of Radio 4. Have you ever made the mistake of watching daytime tv? Oh, it truly is awful. I cannot drive for six weeks but I sat out in the winter sun today and turned my face towards it with relish.
I am seeing my consultant this week, I hope I can face whatever comes next with a little more courage than I've shown. I love my life, I'm not ready to leave it just yet.

10 comments:

  1. gosh. This puts so many things into perspective.
    You have written things so well, but I bet it wasn't easy or quick to write. What a start to the year.

    I love that you've shared this. It's something that I suspect would have been easier to keep to yourself.

    I hope the meeting with your consultant goes well. I will be thinking of you.

    Much love to you lady xxxx

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    1. Thank you so much for reading. Your kind words are much appreciated xx

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  2. I had cervical cancer in my early 20s, luckily it was caught early and my third treatment was successful. What I went through was nothing compared to this, I know, but I can sympathise with having problems with your ladyparts. It really is a minefield of indignity and discomfort the likes of which is hard to alleviate. I wish you a speedy recovery darling xxx

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    1. Crikey, thanks for the kind comments. I'm so glad all worked out well for you. I'm trying to think positively and feel a lot more optimistic than I did.

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  3. After your last post I was fearing it was something like this. So glad you're hopefully over the worst of it. Stay positive. Spring is nearly here, bringing all that wonderful energy. Thank you for writing all of that. We've missed you!

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    1. Thanks for that, I've just been hobbling around the garden and the bulbs are pushing their way through. Spring is indeed nearly here and I'm sure all will be well. Really appreciate your words.

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  4. So glad that you have such a wonderful, loving family and ace friends to support you. As both a mum & a daughter, your bravery and strength is inspiring. Thinking of you all xxx

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  5. Thank you xx I'm far from brave though!

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  6. Sorry to hear that you are going through a very worrying time. Thanks for sharing with us and we are thinking of you and supporting you. x

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    1. Thank you so much. I've since had the excellent news that it was an endometrial cyst and not malignant, so very relieved xx

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