Well, that was a start to the year I did not envisage. A seemingly routine trip to the GP and I am now writing this, lying on the sofa without many of my "lady parts"!
I had a cancerous polyp removed from my bowel seven years ago. It was caught early and after a spot of internal plumbing, I was as right as rain. To be honest, I thought " well, that's my brush with cancer done" and slid back into normality. I am getting to an age where menstrual patterns become less predictable, so when I had a period that lasted a lot longer than normal, I wasn't going to bother going to the doctor, but my husband insisted. My GP is lovely and recommended some hormone tests, I asked if I could have the ca125 test too. This is a marker for ovarian cancer. This came back slightly raised so I was sent for an ultra sound. "Was that ok?" I asked the radiographer, I had trotted off on my own to hospital as I had no reason to worry. "No," she said, reluctant to meet my eye, " you've got something on your ovary which needs urgent investigation." It's strange how your whole life can suddenly come crashing around you. An hour before I'd been wondering what to get for tea and now, well I feared the very worst.
I went to see a consultant who now talked of a "mass" and was sent for an MRI scan which I wept all the way through. I wish I could tell you that I am brave but I'm not. I cried and cried for days, for my poor, bewildered husband, for my daughter on the cusp of adulthood. All I could envisage was their lives without me. I was a nurse many aeons ago, and if there is a worst case scenario, I will plump for that. Ovarian cancer is known as "the silent killer", mine was a 12cm mass that had given me no symptoms at all. I was pole-axed with fear and grief.
The MRI was not as bad as we had feared, the consultant spoke in quietly reassuring tones, he used words such as "curable" "Grade 1" "no evidence of spread" words that I held onto for hope.
Last week I went into The Christie and had a full hysterectomy and half omentumectomy. As I had previous bowel surgery, it wasn't too straight forward, but all things considered, I am recovering well. The skills of the surgeons and the anaesthetist were brilliant. However, it is the love and care of my friends and family that has left me so humbled. My increasingly hysterical texts and phone calls have been answered with unswerving patience. My daughter's friends and parents have shown such kindness. I have been inundated with flowers and cards, texts, tweets and emails. A lady I have never met, except on Twitter, sent a bouquet from Edinburgh. My mum and mum-in-law, both in their seventies, have worked out a rota so one is always here, cooking, cleaning, nurturing and loving.
I am beginning to feel a little more like my old self now, I'm reading lots and listening to plenty of Radio 4. Have you ever made the mistake of watching daytime tv? Oh, it truly is awful. I cannot drive for six weeks but I sat out in the winter sun today and turned my face towards it with relish.
I am seeing my consultant this week, I hope I can face whatever comes next with a little more courage than I've shown. I love my life, I'm not ready to leave it just yet.
Sunday, 17 February 2013
Saturday, 2 February 2013
My January Reads and other news....
Well, I have quite a bad start to the year to say the least. I will explain later.
My reads this month were four very good books. "Gone Girl" by Gillian Flynn was recommended on a lot of "best of 2012" articles so I sent for an American import, only for it to come out over here in paperback in January! It is an excellent thriller told by a husband and wife. Nick's wife Amy has gone missing on their fifth wedding anniversary and the action unfolds through her diary and Nick's narration. The plot is very clever and has many twists and turns, the reader's sympathies veer from husband to wife and back again many times.
"The One Hundred Year Old Man.." By Jonas Jonasson was an absolute delight. Allan Karlsson goes on the run from his own 100th birthday party and becomes embroiled in a big adventure. He has also been involved in the most momentous events of the twentieth century, in a Zelig/Forrest Gump type of way. This was a funny, original read and the characters were drawn so well, I could not put it down.
My daughter is studying "The Turn Of The Screw" by Henry James for English so I read it too, it comes with the novella, "Daisy Miller". I enjoyed Daisy Miller, a tale of an ill-fated free spirit ( for her time) in the fashionable resorts of mid nineteenth century Europe. The Turn of The Screw was very spooky and quite different to the recent BBC adaptation. It ended very abruptly and I had to re read it to see if I had missed anything. It is extremely gothic, spooky stately homes, strange children, ghostly presences. One is left wondering if the poor governess imagined it all or if it was real.
Finally, I read "A Year of Doing Good" by Judith O'Reilly. The title says it all, Judith resolves to do a good deed every day for a year. She is a writer who lives in Northumberland and I found this delightful, funny and very moving. She examines what it means to be "good" and how we can benefit from altruism. She describes people she comes across who do great deeds without fuss or thanks. She is also very honest about hard it can be to try to do a good deed. I found this a very inspiring read and was determined to go off and try and do more for the local community after I had finished it.
However, life can sometimes hold nasty surprises and I will be taking a break from my blog for a while. I hope to return as soon as I am able but I have got a major health issue to face which I don't feel like writing about at the moment. So happy reading everyone and thanks for reading thus far!
My reads this month were four very good books. "Gone Girl" by Gillian Flynn was recommended on a lot of "best of 2012" articles so I sent for an American import, only for it to come out over here in paperback in January! It is an excellent thriller told by a husband and wife. Nick's wife Amy has gone missing on their fifth wedding anniversary and the action unfolds through her diary and Nick's narration. The plot is very clever and has many twists and turns, the reader's sympathies veer from husband to wife and back again many times.
"The One Hundred Year Old Man.." By Jonas Jonasson was an absolute delight. Allan Karlsson goes on the run from his own 100th birthday party and becomes embroiled in a big adventure. He has also been involved in the most momentous events of the twentieth century, in a Zelig/Forrest Gump type of way. This was a funny, original read and the characters were drawn so well, I could not put it down.
My daughter is studying "The Turn Of The Screw" by Henry James for English so I read it too, it comes with the novella, "Daisy Miller". I enjoyed Daisy Miller, a tale of an ill-fated free spirit ( for her time) in the fashionable resorts of mid nineteenth century Europe. The Turn of The Screw was very spooky and quite different to the recent BBC adaptation. It ended very abruptly and I had to re read it to see if I had missed anything. It is extremely gothic, spooky stately homes, strange children, ghostly presences. One is left wondering if the poor governess imagined it all or if it was real.
Finally, I read "A Year of Doing Good" by Judith O'Reilly. The title says it all, Judith resolves to do a good deed every day for a year. She is a writer who lives in Northumberland and I found this delightful, funny and very moving. She examines what it means to be "good" and how we can benefit from altruism. She describes people she comes across who do great deeds without fuss or thanks. She is also very honest about hard it can be to try to do a good deed. I found this a very inspiring read and was determined to go off and try and do more for the local community after I had finished it.
However, life can sometimes hold nasty surprises and I will be taking a break from my blog for a while. I hope to return as soon as I am able but I have got a major health issue to face which I don't feel like writing about at the moment. So happy reading everyone and thanks for reading thus far!
Wednesday, 9 January 2013
My December Reads
December is a busy, busy month for everyone, but I can always squeeze reading time into the day!
For the season, I read "Christmas At Cold Comfort Farm" by Stella Gibbons, which I found in Oxfam. It is actually a collection of short stories and only one is set at Cold Comfort Farm, a case of a publisher definitely cashing in! However, I like to read short stories over Christmas, they are easily digested ( unlike my cake, boom boom) and these were light vignettes written in the 1940s. Some were very poignant and beautifully written, others not quite so good. Only two were set at Christmas, so a little mis-sold, perhaps for only the most ardent of Stella Gibbons fans.
Another festive collection was "The Twelve Poems of Christmas" edited by Carol Ann Duffy. I really like these Candlestick Press editions, they are reasonably priced and come with lovely bookmarks. Reading these poems made me feel very festive indeed, they would make a great little present for a literary friend.
"Fire and Rain" by David Browne is a book which describes the musical scene in 1970, a momentous year when The Beatles recorded their last album; Crosby, Stills and Nash made their debut; Bridge Over Troubled Water was completed and James Taylor produced Sweet Baby James. Browne recounts each month and how the wider context of a society in various states of unrest, shaped the music. For someone who loves the music and history of this period, I really liked this book. I read it with the CDs playing in the background, very atmospheric!
SJ Watson's "Before I Go To Sleep" was another Oxfam purchase, and I thoroughly enjoyed this thriller. After a supposed accident, Christine loses her memory every time she goes to sleep. She awakes with no recollection of her marriage or her history since she sustained a head injury many years ago. Slowly, she comes to realise that her husband isn't all that he appears to be. This was very well written, very taut and I had difficulty putting it down. I am not a huge thriller fan, but I recommend this one highly.
Lastly, I finally got round to reading my SIGNED copy (!) of Anne Tyler's "The Beginner's Goodbye". When the author said she initially intended this to be her last book, there was an audible collective groan amongst the audience at the Oxford Literature Festival. However, she said she realised she loves writing too much to ever retire, phew! This is just exquisite, a tale of how Aaron comes to terms with his wife's bizarre death. It has Tyler's usual warmth and wit, together with an actual HAPPY ending. So many of her books leave me wondering what on earth happens to these fabulous characters, but in Aaron's case, we find out. This was such a treat to read, with my annual purchase of Rose and Violet Cremes, wonderful!
For the season, I read "Christmas At Cold Comfort Farm" by Stella Gibbons, which I found in Oxfam. It is actually a collection of short stories and only one is set at Cold Comfort Farm, a case of a publisher definitely cashing in! However, I like to read short stories over Christmas, they are easily digested ( unlike my cake, boom boom) and these were light vignettes written in the 1940s. Some were very poignant and beautifully written, others not quite so good. Only two were set at Christmas, so a little mis-sold, perhaps for only the most ardent of Stella Gibbons fans.
Another festive collection was "The Twelve Poems of Christmas" edited by Carol Ann Duffy. I really like these Candlestick Press editions, they are reasonably priced and come with lovely bookmarks. Reading these poems made me feel very festive indeed, they would make a great little present for a literary friend.
"Fire and Rain" by David Browne is a book which describes the musical scene in 1970, a momentous year when The Beatles recorded their last album; Crosby, Stills and Nash made their debut; Bridge Over Troubled Water was completed and James Taylor produced Sweet Baby James. Browne recounts each month and how the wider context of a society in various states of unrest, shaped the music. For someone who loves the music and history of this period, I really liked this book. I read it with the CDs playing in the background, very atmospheric!
SJ Watson's "Before I Go To Sleep" was another Oxfam purchase, and I thoroughly enjoyed this thriller. After a supposed accident, Christine loses her memory every time she goes to sleep. She awakes with no recollection of her marriage or her history since she sustained a head injury many years ago. Slowly, she comes to realise that her husband isn't all that he appears to be. This was very well written, very taut and I had difficulty putting it down. I am not a huge thriller fan, but I recommend this one highly.
Lastly, I finally got round to reading my SIGNED copy (!) of Anne Tyler's "The Beginner's Goodbye". When the author said she initially intended this to be her last book, there was an audible collective groan amongst the audience at the Oxford Literature Festival. However, she said she realised she loves writing too much to ever retire, phew! This is just exquisite, a tale of how Aaron comes to terms with his wife's bizarre death. It has Tyler's usual warmth and wit, together with an actual HAPPY ending. So many of her books leave me wondering what on earth happens to these fabulous characters, but in Aaron's case, we find out. This was such a treat to read, with my annual purchase of Rose and Violet Cremes, wonderful!
Wednesday, 2 January 2013
Resolutions
Well, Epiphany has been and gone and although I love Christmas, I also enjoy the feeling once all the decorations are packed away and the last of the pine needles are vacuumed up.
It is the time for New Year resolutions, I have made all the usual ones in the past and never really stuck to them. My cupboards are littered with diaries which never have entries past March and I know I will never ever give up chocolate. Last year I decided to make a resolution I really wanted to achieve and that was to get in touch with friends I hadn't seen in years. I don't know about you, but I always seem to write in certain Christmas cards, "we MUST meet up", then another year passes without having done anything about it. So last year I decided to REALLY meet up with two old friends. One is a wickedly funny lady I worked with 18 or 19 years ago, I wrote to her with my mobile number, asking her to text or phone when she could. She did and we had a fabulous lunch where we became helpless with laughter over the same things we did all those years ago. We will meet up again in the spring. As we parted she gave me a huge hug and said how pleased she was that we had actually made the effort to physically meet.
The other lady was one of my best friends at school but we had a falling out in our early 20s. The falling out was over such a trivial matter, but we never spoke again. A couple of years ago, I attended a school reunion and was so nervous to see her again, I was afraid of being snubbed. However, we were soon chattering away and swapping numbers. After exchanging letters and cards, I phoned her in the spring and we met up for lunch. Again, it was so nice to share memories and we could not understand how we had let such a trivial thing ultimately wreck a great friendship. Age certainly makes you wiser and I am so glad we are now reconciled. I am happy to report we have since met up a few times, and have managed not to fall out yet!
So, why not take some time to look up old friends and definitely arrange a date to meet? It was one of the best resolutions I have made. I have another two old friends I intend to contact soon so I have kept the same resolution for 2013. Much better than avoiding wine and chocolate!
It is the time for New Year resolutions, I have made all the usual ones in the past and never really stuck to them. My cupboards are littered with diaries which never have entries past March and I know I will never ever give up chocolate. Last year I decided to make a resolution I really wanted to achieve and that was to get in touch with friends I hadn't seen in years. I don't know about you, but I always seem to write in certain Christmas cards, "we MUST meet up", then another year passes without having done anything about it. So last year I decided to REALLY meet up with two old friends. One is a wickedly funny lady I worked with 18 or 19 years ago, I wrote to her with my mobile number, asking her to text or phone when she could. She did and we had a fabulous lunch where we became helpless with laughter over the same things we did all those years ago. We will meet up again in the spring. As we parted she gave me a huge hug and said how pleased she was that we had actually made the effort to physically meet.
The other lady was one of my best friends at school but we had a falling out in our early 20s. The falling out was over such a trivial matter, but we never spoke again. A couple of years ago, I attended a school reunion and was so nervous to see her again, I was afraid of being snubbed. However, we were soon chattering away and swapping numbers. After exchanging letters and cards, I phoned her in the spring and we met up for lunch. Again, it was so nice to share memories and we could not understand how we had let such a trivial thing ultimately wreck a great friendship. Age certainly makes you wiser and I am so glad we are now reconciled. I am happy to report we have since met up a few times, and have managed not to fall out yet!
So, why not take some time to look up old friends and definitely arrange a date to meet? It was one of the best resolutions I have made. I have another two old friends I intend to contact soon so I have kept the same resolution for 2013. Much better than avoiding wine and chocolate!
Wednesday, 19 December 2012
Rockin Around The Christmas Tree
From the first of December I like to dig out my Christmas CDs and play them almost continuously up until ( and definitely including! ) Christmas Day. I love the traditional carols but over the years I've collected a real eclectic mix of music.
The CD that I play again and again, is James Taylor At Christmas. I love his voice and this is a great collection of jolly and some melancholy tunes, he does a great cover of Joni Mitchell's "River" and a fun rendition of "Baby It's Cold Outside" with Natalie Cole. This is such a mellow album, it makes really effective background music for Christmas dinner and other festive occasions.
Last year I bought Carol King's "A Christmas Carole" which is a very pleasant collection of old and new, there are some non-traditional tunes on the album that make a nice change to the usual Christmas songs. Similarly Enya's "And Winter Came.." mixes old and new, I love her version of "Oh Come Oh Come Emmanuel", it is my favourite Christmas carol of all.
I do love Zooey Deschanel and her album with M Ward "A Very She & Him Christmas" is a delightful indie take on Christmas, really joyful. Tracey Thorn's recent release "Tinsel And Lights" is slightly more melancholy ( it includes an obligatory cover of "River"!) but I really like her voice from Everything But The Girl days and this cd is a great addition to my Christmas collection.
Finally, I caved in this year after complaints from everyone at my birthday tea party about my James Taylor overkill, and I bought the Michael Buble Christmas cd. I like his voice but find him incredibly cheesy, however, as Christmas is the season of cheese, this album does the job!
My absolute favourite Christmas songs are Greg Lake's "I Believe In Father Christmas" and "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses. Which songs make your Christmas special?
The CD that I play again and again, is James Taylor At Christmas. I love his voice and this is a great collection of jolly and some melancholy tunes, he does a great cover of Joni Mitchell's "River" and a fun rendition of "Baby It's Cold Outside" with Natalie Cole. This is such a mellow album, it makes really effective background music for Christmas dinner and other festive occasions.
Last year I bought Carol King's "A Christmas Carole" which is a very pleasant collection of old and new, there are some non-traditional tunes on the album that make a nice change to the usual Christmas songs. Similarly Enya's "And Winter Came.." mixes old and new, I love her version of "Oh Come Oh Come Emmanuel", it is my favourite Christmas carol of all.
I do love Zooey Deschanel and her album with M Ward "A Very She & Him Christmas" is a delightful indie take on Christmas, really joyful. Tracey Thorn's recent release "Tinsel And Lights" is slightly more melancholy ( it includes an obligatory cover of "River"!) but I really like her voice from Everything But The Girl days and this cd is a great addition to my Christmas collection.
Finally, I caved in this year after complaints from everyone at my birthday tea party about my James Taylor overkill, and I bought the Michael Buble Christmas cd. I like his voice but find him incredibly cheesy, however, as Christmas is the season of cheese, this album does the job!
My absolute favourite Christmas songs are Greg Lake's "I Believe In Father Christmas" and "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses. Which songs make your Christmas special?
Monday, 17 December 2012
Birthday treats
It was my birthday last week and I decided to throw an afternoon tea party. Afternoon tea is my favourite thing and for the past two birthdays we have been to Harvey Nichols and Cloud 23 in Manchester's iconic Beetham Tower. I have had marvellous times but in these belt-tightening days, I thought I would invite more people but do an "at home". I baked scones, my daughter baked her delicious lemon drizzle and my friend Pat baked a lovely chocolate cake. There was a superb cupcake bouquet from Stuart Thornley Bakers and finger sandwiches and wraps from M&S ( I didn't want to be bogged down too much in the kitchen!). The Prosecco and tea were poured all afternoon and the jolliest time was had by me, my fantastic friends and my dear family. It was a "ladies only" event so my husband took my nephew to see "Skyfall". I did save them some crumbs!
I had some great gifts too, I love my "Go Away, I'm Reading" mug ( someone knows me TOO well!) and my daughter bought me a new collection of Sylvia Plath's poems edited by Carol Ann Duffy. I will smell divine, be well-read, eat sweetly and be supping champers for a long time! Oh, I DO love birthdays!
I had some great gifts too, I love my "Go Away, I'm Reading" mug ( someone knows me TOO well!) and my daughter bought me a new collection of Sylvia Plath's poems edited by Carol Ann Duffy. I will smell divine, be well-read, eat sweetly and be supping champers for a long time! Oh, I DO love birthdays!
Thursday, 6 December 2012
My November Reads
November is such a busy month, with both my husband's and daughter's birthday arriving, and Christmas shopping starting in ernest. However, I can always squeeze in some reading!
My book club read this month was "The Cat's Table" by Michael Ondaatje. A young boy from Sri Lanka ( Ceylon as it was then) is sent to England on a liner in the early 1950s and finds himself amongst the characters of the cat's table, that is the one furthest away from the Captain's table. The book describes his experiences on board and how they affect his adult life. This was a bit of an odd read, beautifully written as one would expect from Ondaatje, and the characters were very well drawn. However, not an awful lot happens, and the constant flip-flopping from the past to the narrator's present, made it rather disjointed. It was a bit of a "meh" read really.
Kazuo Ishiguro's "The Remains Of The Day" was excellent in comparison, again, not a lot actually happens but oh, how beautiful and tragic it is. Stevens, a butler at a stately manor in the 1950s, drives through the English countryside to visit Miss Kenton with whom he used to work. It is such a haunting novel, I found it very moving and the final pages had me in tears. Ishiguro is a wonderful writer, his prose is so vivid, I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
Monica Ali used to attend my daughter's school so I always keep an eye out for her books, I really enjoyed "Brick Lane". "Untold Story" is a strange tale, Princess Diana isn't dead, she faked it in a boating accident and is now living incognito in Kensington, America. She has a contented life, working at a dog sanctuary, until a former paparazzo coincidentally arrives in town and recognises her, this received poor reviews and I can see why. I kept on reading as I wanted to see what would happen, but it really isn't very good. The characters were all cliche-ridden, the plot full of holes and even for a work of fiction, it was exceedingly far-fetched. A strange book from such a talented writer.
Another writer I enjoy is Ian McEwan, I think "Atonement" is one of my all-time favourite books. "The Child In Time" is one of his earlier works. It is a deeply sad tale of a couple whose three year old daughter goes missing from a supermarket and the effect this has on the lives of the mother, but the father, children's writer Stephen Lewis, in particular. It takes place in a world that isn't quite contemporary Britain, and this sense that everything isn't quite right is enhanced as Stephen's deep grief can even play tricks on time. This isn't an easy read, in any sense, but it is interesting to see McEwan's development as a writer.
John O'Farrell is a very funny writer and "The Man Who Forgot His Wife" has some very amusing lines in it. Vaughan finds himself on a train with no idea who he is, he has had a "fugue" and the story follows him as he tries to find out who he is. When he comes across his wife, he instantly adores her, but discovers they were about to divorce. I enjoyed this book, it's light hearted but also deals with deep themes of love and loss and what makes us "us".
Benjamin Wood's debut novel is "The Bellwether Revivals", set in Cambridge it is an odd tale of Eden Bellwether who thinks he can cure illness through the power of music. I don't really like the plot device of putting the denouement right at the start, a lot of the tension is lost in such a way as we know what will happen. However, this was well written and I was drawn into the privileged world of the Bellwethers and the care worker, Oscar, who falls in love with Eden's sister. It has been compared to Donna Tartt's "The Secret History" and I can see the parallels. Worth a read when it appears in paperback, I got a cheap hardback from The Book People!
My book club read this month was "The Cat's Table" by Michael Ondaatje. A young boy from Sri Lanka ( Ceylon as it was then) is sent to England on a liner in the early 1950s and finds himself amongst the characters of the cat's table, that is the one furthest away from the Captain's table. The book describes his experiences on board and how they affect his adult life. This was a bit of an odd read, beautifully written as one would expect from Ondaatje, and the characters were very well drawn. However, not an awful lot happens, and the constant flip-flopping from the past to the narrator's present, made it rather disjointed. It was a bit of a "meh" read really.
Kazuo Ishiguro's "The Remains Of The Day" was excellent in comparison, again, not a lot actually happens but oh, how beautiful and tragic it is. Stevens, a butler at a stately manor in the 1950s, drives through the English countryside to visit Miss Kenton with whom he used to work. It is such a haunting novel, I found it very moving and the final pages had me in tears. Ishiguro is a wonderful writer, his prose is so vivid, I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
Monica Ali used to attend my daughter's school so I always keep an eye out for her books, I really enjoyed "Brick Lane". "Untold Story" is a strange tale, Princess Diana isn't dead, she faked it in a boating accident and is now living incognito in Kensington, America. She has a contented life, working at a dog sanctuary, until a former paparazzo coincidentally arrives in town and recognises her, this received poor reviews and I can see why. I kept on reading as I wanted to see what would happen, but it really isn't very good. The characters were all cliche-ridden, the plot full of holes and even for a work of fiction, it was exceedingly far-fetched. A strange book from such a talented writer.
Another writer I enjoy is Ian McEwan, I think "Atonement" is one of my all-time favourite books. "The Child In Time" is one of his earlier works. It is a deeply sad tale of a couple whose three year old daughter goes missing from a supermarket and the effect this has on the lives of the mother, but the father, children's writer Stephen Lewis, in particular. It takes place in a world that isn't quite contemporary Britain, and this sense that everything isn't quite right is enhanced as Stephen's deep grief can even play tricks on time. This isn't an easy read, in any sense, but it is interesting to see McEwan's development as a writer.
John O'Farrell is a very funny writer and "The Man Who Forgot His Wife" has some very amusing lines in it. Vaughan finds himself on a train with no idea who he is, he has had a "fugue" and the story follows him as he tries to find out who he is. When he comes across his wife, he instantly adores her, but discovers they were about to divorce. I enjoyed this book, it's light hearted but also deals with deep themes of love and loss and what makes us "us".
Benjamin Wood's debut novel is "The Bellwether Revivals", set in Cambridge it is an odd tale of Eden Bellwether who thinks he can cure illness through the power of music. I don't really like the plot device of putting the denouement right at the start, a lot of the tension is lost in such a way as we know what will happen. However, this was well written and I was drawn into the privileged world of the Bellwethers and the care worker, Oscar, who falls in love with Eden's sister. It has been compared to Donna Tartt's "The Secret History" and I can see the parallels. Worth a read when it appears in paperback, I got a cheap hardback from The Book People!
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